Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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