I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
