I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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