I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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