proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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