i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
