I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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