JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
