Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
