i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
