Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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