textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
