what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
