Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
