Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
