haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
