We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
