nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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