god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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