you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You smell like stripper and shame
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
