he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
