if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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