Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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