i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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