Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
