I accidentally burped into my bong.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
