Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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