She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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