WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize