I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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