let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
false alarm. still invincible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
