My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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