Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
