I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
