Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
