i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
