either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
