just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
