Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im holly from the hills drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
