Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
