I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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