Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
