He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
