So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
