you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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