You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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