All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
