That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
