The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
