Cold hands, warm shart.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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