I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
