the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
