Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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