I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
