Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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