Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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