I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
