she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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