I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
