Yo dont text me then not text me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
