You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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