Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I FOUND THE LEGS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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