official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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