There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got inside last night via doggy door
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
