she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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