I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize