i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
