last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
