Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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