I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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