Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
