I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
