When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
