Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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