a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
