just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
